Thursday, August 29, 2013

Life to this point: A rare chance at perspective

Hello all.

I know, I know, I haven't been on in a while. Things got... well... complicated.

Last we spoke, I was attempting to get out of a whirlwind romance, one that cost me everything I had worked so hard after my divorce to earn. He is still attempting to win me back. It took me a bit, but I managed to do what I didn't think I could: I am back on my feet, working 2 jobs, with my own apartment, and starting school again on Monday.

I had my housewarming party, at which I'm pretty sure a majority of people who read this blog were present. It was a good night, full of memories, alcohol, delicious foods, serious discussions, movie trivia, ridiculous internet clips, and family. I'm not actually related to a single one of them by blood, but trust me, every one of them is family to me in some way shape or form. I was again reminded how very, very lucky I am to have the guys in my life (which actually does include a few females). They are crazy, and loving, and make sure that I get completely plastered when the opportunity is favorable ha.

I am no longer taking my anti-depression meds. They were hurting more than they were helping, and now that I am home again things seem better. I had a bit of a scary time there, where I went to the bar every night because it was the only way I could feel anything. At that point I had been couch surfing for 2 months, and my morale was at an all-time low. Luckily, I am feeling better, and going to the bar once a week is less about getting drunk, and more about spending time with people I know. I know it still isn't the most healthy thing to do, but I am 24 years old, and need to do more than just work all the time. Social interaction is necessary to live.

I am terrified that I'm going to mess up again, but this time, I know that I am at home, and that I have people nearby to remind me of everything for which I've worked so hard, everything I can't afford to throw away again. I am going back to school, which I have been trying to do almost since I left in 2009. I decided on Psychology as a degree, because what better way to help people? What better way to learn more about people? It is what I love to do, and what I believe I am skilled at doing.

All in all, I have spent the past year healing, making mistakes, and trying new things. I have been hurt, had to start from scratch a few times, but at the end of all of that, I am here, stronger, better, wiser, and most importantly, living for the first time in GOD KNOWS how long. And anyone who doesn't like that, well, I don't know if I really need them in my life anymore now, do I?