Sunday, March 15, 2015

Proximity bombs

Because you think it matters, you think I wouldn't feel if you weren't always here. But that's not really what I see as the main point. You being here isn't what makes me think of you. I've thought of you daily since we started hanging out, before you were ever here. You just stick in my head for being you. If you hadn't, I wouldn't want to spend time with you daily. If you weren't in my head often, we wouldn't have gotten to the point of not knowing the last time that I didn't see you every day.

Proximity doesn't make things worse for my feelings. It reminds me of them, yes, but that isn't the same thing. You being here doesn't hurt me. Only has once. And we discussed that.

I like having you around, because honestly, it makes things easier for me. It isn't all that complicated. When you aren't here, I still think of you, still worry about you, still want to spend time with you.

The issue is not our proximity, as much as problems in definitions. You consider a friend a higher regard than a love interest. I think of it the opposite way. You don't put labels on things of that sort, and I feel that is alright too, as long as everyone knows where they stand. And right now, I don't. Yes, you've explained you want my friendship, but based on your definition of friendship, I am confused. That is what we don't talk about. And we don't talk about it because I can't open up that much to be dashed down because you don't feel for me the same way, even if by a different name.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

what I say, and what I don't

I told you I don't mind you here.

I didn't say that without you here, I am lost.

I told you that we would manage to get everything to work out just fine with the apartment full.

I didn't say that I didn't know if I could manage living with another person if you weren't there to buffer.

I told you that I knew what I was doing.

I didn't tell you that I value every piece of input you give me, even if you do so indirectly.

I told you that I appreciate you being here, and helping me with so much more than you know.

I didn't tell you that your claims to be a burden are the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

Even with everything I told you,

I have never told you that I would have given up a long time ago, if not for your presence.

I am no good for you,

but you still stick around.

You claim you're no good for me,

but I wouldn't run if I could.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

"The Dress"


NOW. I have a lot to say about this one. On the one hand,(and I am going to just say that it is the biggest aspect of my thoughts right now) I think that this is a beautiful way to point out that abuse is going on, and women are just going with it.

On the other hand, I also feel like there are a lot of reasons that women to tend to stay in abusive situations, and it isn't the easiest to get out of them. A lot of this is due to how society and the government still tend to view these things. There are a lot of different reasons for staying that outweigh a beating here and there for a lot of women. In some instances, it is safer for them to stay, rather than have to literally give up everything in their life (family, friends, job), just for them to have to run from their abusive ex, who is likely to find them anyway. If you don't have documentation of abuse, it is very difficult to be able to get a restraining order, which in the long run is really just a piece of paper that doesn't protect you all that much. If you manage to get out, there are some resources to help you, but giving up everything in your old life is something that is assumed you will be ok with dealing with. Asking for help after staying in that situation for a long time makes a lot of people look down on you, though that logic has never flown well with me either.

I understand the point of the ad being to not let that be the standard. I do. However, to do it in a way that shames victims for their choices while abused..... I don't know. Maybe I am just not seeing this from a good frame of mind, since I have been awake far too long at this point.

Either way, I do enjoy that an ad made me think about something a lot more serious and important than a product, and about a social issue.