Thursday, November 29, 2012

Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

1. Horrific grammar and spelling drive me up the wall, especially when it is from someone who is a manager or otherwise is above me in the social or economical hierarchy. My district manager pretty consistently says irregardless, the reason is because, and he thought that carpe diem, was spelled karpe deim. I just.. It makes my brain hurt.

2. I cannot stand it when someone I do not know touches me. It is very hard for me to not freak out and punch them in the face.

3. I hate it when someone is walking behind me right in my blind spot. I dated someone who thought that was the most hilarious thing in the entire world, and he didn't understand how very bad it freaked me out.

4. Even worse than that, I HATE it when a guy treats me like I am a pretty princess who needs to be coddled and taken care of. Yes, it is nice that you want to hold open the door or any other random thing you would do for anyone out of politeness. However, I do not need you to pull my chair out for me, or walk between me and traffic when we are walking on the sidewalks. I will freak out.

5. On that note, I hate it when guys walk on my right. There is only one guy who has ever been able to do it without bothering me, and I've known him since 4th grade. I know that this is a really weird thing, but I just can't do it.


7. A guy treating you like a princess is bad, but a guy treating you like a slave is even worse.

8. When someone has an awful past, and you have absolutely no way to understand what it is they are going through, you have NO place to tell them to get over it. Also, just because you have had a bad life and got through fine does not mean that everyone is able to, and making them feel badly because of that is wrong.

9. If you don't know the words to a song, do not make up new ones, unless you are weird Al.

10. I hate it when metal appliances are not shiny. If there are water spots, I feel like it is ugly and gross.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Most embarrassing moment

Well I have certainly had a lot of embarrassing moments, but the one that really takes the cake would have to be in 5th grade, when I accidentally flashed my entire class. I do not feel I need to elaborate on that at all.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

From the moment I wake, I plan my escape

Sometimes I forget how very lucky I am in my life.

Yes, I understand that my past has seemed anything but lucky. However, I managed to survive all of those things, and I'm still managing alright.

Things aren't perfect for me. Not even close, but I have some things so much more important than perfection.


And sometimes I don't tell myself this enough, but I'm actually starting to believe that:

I am intelligent.
I am beautiful.
I am needed.

A year ago, I felt disgusting, pointless, and overwhelmed. I was losing my husband day by day, and noticed it, but couldn't bring myself to care. I was scaring the people close to me as my apathy overtook who I am as a friend.

I was close to dead, not in the sense of dying, more in the sense of being stagnant, of not living. When I think about it now, I realize why Brian would freak out. It isn't out of the question to freak out when someone has been laying in the exact same place for a day and a half. It isn't out of the question to worry when someone looks at you with dead eyes, no compassion or caring in them. More often than not, I would be aware of it, and feel trapped, not able to feel or show anything even though I was aware he was scared.

This year, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a family of friends who love and support me, who are proud of everything that I have managed to accomplish in the past year. I have a plan for coming home to be with them more often, and I know that I am able to do anything I put my mind to. I have blood family enough to care, and 2 younger siblings who love me dearly, and 1 who tries, sometimes. I have a place to sleep every night, food enough to get by, and clothes to wear.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how

1.Andrew Groot. My brother. If I had never met this kid, I would be nowhere near the person that I am today. He was my "first kiss" (of course, to anyone else it doesn't count but we find it amusing), and while there are times I want to beat him up for telling the same story verbatim to several different groups and for being smarter than I am, I am beyond proud of him, and glad to have him as family.

2.Jessica Blakely. My sister. Junior year was not a good year for me. That was the closest I ever came to actually killing myself, and if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't be here. Whether we are around each other as often as we would like or not, I know she will always be in my life.

3.Jeremy Hasenbalg. My biggest mistake. He was the first person to show me that I am beautiful in a way that I could see too. He taught me about importance of passion in life, and showed me exactly who I was at that point in my life. I didn't like who I saw, and so I changed it. I almost ruined the start of his relationship with the woman he's loved for over a decade, and I am so glad that now, several years later, they have become engaged and are still happy and working on doing things they love. He taught me to keep doing what you love, and to be true to who you are, regardless of the situation in which you've found yourself.

4.Ann Poggali. My junior year English teacher. She knew what was going on at home, understood why I wasn't doing well in her class, even though I was smart enough that I should have been ace-ing her class. She pushed me hard, didn't let me give up even when things were at their most bleak. She let me stay after school in her class so that I could do my school work, or so that I could talk. She showed me that there are always solutions to difficult problems, if you're determined enough to find them.

5.Richard Allen Bovee Jr. My dad. Every day, I question what I do, try to see if what I do would make him proud. I still don't always make the best choices, but I do try my hardest, and I think that makes all the difference.

6.Kathy DeHaan-Hunter. My mom. She was always there for a conversation or a laugh as I was growing up, and her kitchen was a safe place to discuss anything that was going on at home that I needed to talk about without worry it would get back to my mother. Now that I'm older, I don't visit nearly as often as I should, but I know that when I do, there will always be a spot around the kitchen island for me, and that if I have something going on that I can't figure out, she will try her best to give me advice, or if she can't do that, she will at least try to provide a laugh. She was one of the first people I went to tell that Brian left me. I was still crying, an emotional disaster, and she understood, hugged me tightly, cried with me and talked with me until I couldn't talk any more, and helped me to laugh a little, even though it hurt. If I had never met my Kathy mom, I would not be the well rounded, beautiful person that I am on the inside, and I probably would have been one of those people who have awful childhoods and that follows them throughout life so that they make bad decisions and end up selling drugs or worse. She has always been my spiritual rock, and while I don't share the exact same beliefs that she does, she has a big impact on how I view my spiritual relationship with life. There are not enough words in the world to describe the love I have for my mom, and how grateful I am to have her in my life.

7. Elaine Skeggs. Another mom/sister. She was the very first person I called when Brian left, still bawling my eyes out, unsure of where I was going and knowing that I needed to talk to someone or I was going to be sitting on the balcony curled in the fetal position screaming and pulling my hair out. She and Mike have been such a help in kicking me out of being a teen into actually trying to be an adult. They helped me get out of my grandmother's house, and when Brian left they let me come back so that I could get back on my feet. She is always there to talk when I need her, and she showed me that you can be assertive and important without always being loud. I'm not really very good at it, but I wouldn't know it was possible without her. She also helped me see how very important communication can be in a relationship of any sort, because a misunderstanding left to simmer eventually becomes a disaster. We managed to learn about ourselves and each other while I was living there, and eventually, I will be able to make it up to them.

8. James Reilly. He was the second person I called after Brian left, and even though he doesn't drive, he managed to find a way to get to me to make sure I wasn't alone. Even before that, he has always been there to help me out when my brain is too screwed up for me to see what is in front of me. He pushes me to think better, to be a better person, and to laugh at myself sometimes. He reminds me that I'm human, and that while yes, I make some stupid mistakes sometimes, I also have the ability to learn from those mistakes.

9. Kelsi Rose. She is one of the most loyal, hard-working, and caring people I know. If I had never met Kelsi, I would not be nearly as close to accepting peoples compliments as I am now, and I would not think of myself as a beautiful person, whether that means physically or personality wise. Because I know her, I push myself that extra bit harder when I just want to lay around feeling sorry for myself, I actually am attempting (albeit poorly) to at least walk the Metroparks once a week so that I can reach my goal weight, and when I get to spend time with my family of friends at home, I know that they spend time with me because they love me as much as I do them. (Okay, so that last one isn't entirely on Kelsi, but she has yelled at me when I feel like I'm not worth the effort enough that she is a major contributor to it).

10. Brian Bell. Ex-husband. If you didn't see it coming you should have. He is the only person who has ever made me consider marriage as a viable thing even, and actually managed to take it a step farther and got me to marry him. A lot of the changing that I have done in the past 3 years have been due to his influence in my life, so I do owe a lot to him. He swept me off of my feet, made me believe in love again. He reminded me that life sometimes is all about fun and games, but that sometimes you need to do the things you don't want to do. He showed me how to smile again, even though he couldn't find me when I was drowning in doubt and pity. He taught me that I am worthy of being loved, but that the person to love me has to be just as strong as I am, and that I need to be much better at being an adult before I try to be in a stable relationship.