Forever feels like home sitting all alone

My brain has been everywhere lately. Thinking about everything that has happened, of all the feelings I can't seem to lock away right now. I tried dating. I tried random banging, and none of it changes anything. I don't know what to do. I just know that I need my best friend, especially right now, and if it stays as it is now, I will lose him. He will leave. I can't deal with that on top of everything else.
I'm an emotional disaster, trying like hell to keep my head above water. I feel crazy. I feel vulnerable and exposed. I went from not giving a fuck about anything, to going fucking nuts over stupid shit. I know it is dumb. I know I sound jealous, because I feel alone. I feel like no one cares, like I'm pointless if I'm not satisfying someone else's needs.
Pretty sure that it was a panic attack at work the other night, brought on by who knows what. I'm unstable. I'm trying to be more stable, and I need my constants. But my constants want their space and I don't know what to do but freak out. I don't know what to do when I'm alone unexpectedly. I don't know what I need to have people who I trust around without pushing them away.