Day 11: 1 year 6 months ago

How I feel today


A year and 6 months ago, my cousin had just gotten married, and I took Brian with me, because I refuse to go to weddings in my family alone, and I wanted to show off my girly side with him so he realized that I am better than anything else he would ever have. He got the point, and we were together.

Eddie and I were together a year and 6 months. He is my only other long relationship, and we broke up because at that point I did not want to get married and be a housewife, and I never intended to marry and be a housewife.

The more I think about it, the more I miss the way things used to be, before he started treating me like I was just supposed to be seen and not heard, and that I was supposed to do everything in the house. I know that I can't be with him again, because he and I are not the kind of people to let go of who we are and what we want, and he wants someone who will be his housewife, when I want to take be with someone who will help me, who will sometimes give me space when I ask for it, who will cuddle me when I sleep, be playful sometimes, talk to me long into the night, care about how my day went. Maybe that is a lot to ask, but it is not that hard to do when you love someone, I think.

Either way, life doesn't ever work out the way you think it will. I'm just taking it day by day, and figuring out who I am, what I will stand for, and what I won't. I can do so much better than settling for someone who loves the idea of being married more than the person to whom they are married.