Monday, April 2, 2012

Day 3: Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

My husband left me. The day before we were supposed to move into a 2 bedroom apartment, he told me that I wasn't welcome in the new apartment. I love him with all of myself. I gave him EVERYTHING, and he left because he doesn't understand why dealing with my past is so very difficult for me. I went into this marriage knowing that there would be rough parts, and he expected that I would just go with what his idea of a marriage is: the husband is the breadwinner, the wife works but also makes sure the house is immaculate at all times. NO ONE is that way their first year of marriage, not unless they are already successful in their careers and also from the 50s era. It is 2012, and marriage takes work from both people. I was trying SO hard, and it was never ever good enough. While I recognize that this is just something that should show me that he isn't right for me, but no matter how hard I think it, my entire body aches and hurts, feeling like I failed as a person, as a wife. I haven't really slept in the past 42 hours, and I've eaten once. I can't sleep, and even thinking of eating makes me feel like I'll just throw it up again. I'm just running on pain right now, and no matter what I do I can't stop thinking about what I could have done better.

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Johnny 5 needs more input