Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Day 18: Suddenly I brought this on myself?

How I feel today

He had the gall to tell me that I brought him leaving on myself.In his words:

"Your one to talk about responsability are you pam? You shirked basic adult responsability. I didn't try to turn you into a house wife. I didn't make you be a third wheele in what was our home. You refused to be part of anything we did, even things you agreed to do as part of our want to be healthier people. Your action speak for themselves and dictated the kind of person you decided to be in our marrage. I decided to cut anchor before I was dragged down any further than I could swim back from. You don't have to like that, that is fine. Go be angery, but understand you brought it on yourself."

First of all, when he had to have surgery and had to get an amputation of certain parts, I was there for him, drove from Strongsville all the way out to Norwalk, calling off work so that I could be there for him. I drove him to the hospital in the middle of the night when he was having pain in same area when we both had to be into work the next day and he had been drinking with our rooommate. I never claimed to be good at taking care of a house, and I never said I was neat. I am a messy person, and I really don't tend to care about keeping things neat. I haven't changed at ALL since we got married, and last I knew you were supposed to marry someone because you loved them, not because you loved who they could be. I never claimed perfection, only that I would be loyal and loving. I never said I wouldn't get angry, and that it would be easy. Life doesn't work that way.

Second of all, I don't have to spend time with him and our roommate in order to be a good wife. He is supposed to want to spend time with me, more than wanting to spend time with our roommate. So yes, I felt like a third wheel when all of the sudden everything changed and it was always "You should come with me and Kristina to play tennis" (a 2 person sport I'm not into) or "Come on a walk with us" (when I have hardly slept and don't really want to go for a walk) or "Kristina made food. Do you want some?" (when I wasn't hungry). Just because I don't want to spend every waking minute with the 2 of them when they act more like a couple than he ever acted around me.

I just, don't even have the words for how pissed off I am.

If he hasn't filed for divorce by my second paycheck, I will. I don't have the time to bother with him and his BS anymore. For as hurt as I am, I have still managed to struggle back up on my feet, have found myself a career, and am working on getting my own apartment. So I really don't need to be told about how I don't take care of things that need to be taken care of.
::in addition:: In other news, I managed to lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks. I think that I need to start remembering to eat before people legit think I'm anorexic. I just wish I had any sort of appetite. Would probably make remembering to eat easier.

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